The maid of honor just puked.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I AM VODKA MAN
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
