I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
