i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
from now on my penis is your penis
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
