apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
