why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
