I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
