Tell her she can't have a vagina
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
