dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
