At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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