Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
