all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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