I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
