This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
