My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
