That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
