just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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