I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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