If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
