I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
