My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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