The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
