This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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