your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
