He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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