Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
