you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
