Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
