I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize