SEEEEXXX PLEASE
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
As shirtless as possible
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize