I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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