The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
