I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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