did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
