I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
