i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
