Quick, to the slutcave!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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