Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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