I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
