He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
