fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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