Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
