bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
