I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want to be your penis for a week.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
