Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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