Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
