Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
