More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
