i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
