its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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