I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
