i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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