Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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