OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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