Apparently you make a good broom.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
