just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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