She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
