hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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