Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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