Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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