I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
