so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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