It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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