apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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