Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
