ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
