I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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