My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
