Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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