oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
