so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Randomize
