oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
