Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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