she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
