That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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