the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
